Am I The Only Sane One Working Here?

<body topmargin="0" leftmargin="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0"> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" border="0"><tr> <td valign="top" colspan="2" height="110" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" text="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="16bf0f21egerdp.jpg"> <div> <b><img src="05b203c0.jpg" border="0" width="32" height="60" align="BOTTOM" hspace="0" vspace="0"></b><font size="5" color="#66334C" face="Arial"><b>   albernstein.com  PSYCHOLOGY THAT WORKS   </b></font><b>      |     </b><a href="index_htm.html" target="_top" title=" albernstein.com PSYCHOLOGY THAT WORK"><u><b>home</b></u></a></div> <div> <b>Am I The Only Sane One Working Here?</b></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width="210" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" text="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="16af2f02egerdp.jpg"> <div> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Working-Here/dp/0071608729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247660064&sr=1-1" target="_top" title="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Work"><u>ORDER FROM AMAZON.COM</u></a></div> <br> <div> <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/albert-bernstein?keyword=albert+bernstein&store=allproducts" target="_top" title="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/albert-b"><u>ORDER FROM </u></a></div> <div> <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/albert-bernstein?keyword=albert+bernstein&store=allproducts" target="_top" title="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/albert-b"><u>BARNES AND NOBLE</u></a></div> <div> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Working-Here/dp/0071608729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247660064&sr=1-1" target="_top" title="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Work"><u><u>Am I The Only Sane One Working Here?...</u></u></a><font size="3" color="#66334C" face="Arial"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Working-Here/dp/0071608729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247660064&sr=1-1" target="_top" title="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Work"><u> </u></a></font></div> <div> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Working-Here/dp/0071608729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247660064&sr=1-1" target="_top" title="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Work"><u>Albert Bernstein</u></a></div> <div> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Working-Here/dp/0071608729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247660064&sr=1-1" target="_top" title="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Work"><u><img src="21798e40.jpg" border="0" width="152" height="228" align="BOTTOM" hspace="0" vspace="0"></u></a><font size="3" color="#66334C" face="Arial"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Working-Here/dp/0071608729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247660064&sr=1-1" target="_top" title="http://www.amazon.com/Only-Sane-One-Work"><u> </u></a></font></div> <br> <br> </td> <td valign="top" height="370" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" text="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="16df0f03.jpg"> <div> <i>Am I The Only Sane One Working Here?</i></div> <div> <img src="20379360.jpg" border="0" width="377" height="566" align="BOTTOM" hspace="0" vspace="0"></div> <div> <a href="http://money.cnn.com/2009/08/28/news/economy/control.freak.boss.fortune/index.htm" target="_top" title="http://money.cnn.com/2009/08/28/news/eco"><u>Interview with Annie Fisher CNN Money/Fortune</u></a></div> <div> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_ZAXm34qk0" target="_top" title="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_ZAXm34q"><u>YouTube trailer</u></a>: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_ZAXm34qk0" target="_top" title="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_ZAXm34q"><u>"The inconsiderate cubemate"</u></a></div> <div> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMp5zUlxe6Q " target="_top" title="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMp5zUlxe"><u>YouTube trailer: "The depressed coworker"</u></a></div> <div> <a href="http://www.katu.com/amnw/home/featured/55855172.html" target="_top" title="http://www.katu.com/amnw/home/featured/5"><u>AM Northwest interview</u></a></div> <br> <div> My newest book is out!  The following are some excerpts:</div> <div> <b>  </b><font size="5" color="#000000" face="Arial">AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE WORKING HERE?</font></div> <div>           <font size="4" color="#000000" face="Arial">101 SOLUTIONS FOR SURVIVING OFFICE CRAZINESS</font></div> <div>                                            Albert J. Bernstein, PhD</div> <br> <div> If you feel confused and frustrated by the insanity at your office, you are not alone.  Sometimes it seems as if the whole world of business has gone crazy.</div> <div> The CEO is handing out slick-paged reports to the board showing an excellent return on investment, but in your department the work is piling up and everyone is stressed out because of the hiring freeze.  The network is down, and the people in IT aren't answering their phones. The guys in sales have made impossible promises to customers, and now they're yelling that it's your job to deliver.  The VP has called a meeting to improve communications, but you know that if you say anything is wrong, the real problem will turn out to be your attitude. </div> <div> Your boss, the micro-manager has no idea what she wants, but is absolutely certain that whatever it is, you won't do it right.  The people in your work group seem to have forgotten the meaning of the word deadline. </div> <div> The worst part is that no one with the power to do anything seems to notice, much less care. </div> <div> Each day, you try your best to get some work done, but the woman in the next cube is screeching at her kids on the phone, and the guy behind you keeps popping his head up to tell you what he saw on TV last night.  Another staff meeting starts in ten minutes.  Meanwhile, you have seven hundred and thirty six unread emails in your inbox, seven hundred of which have nothing to do with you.  </div> <div> You stare blankly at your screen and wonder:  Am I the only sane person working here?</div> <br> <div> The secret to preserving your sanity lies in how well you understand the craziness going on around you. </div> <div> When you pay close attention, the crazy situations at work, like all other human behaviors, follow predictable patterns.  The patterns are not rational, in that they often operate at cross purposes from getting the job done efficiently and well, but that doesn't mean that they make no sense.  If you understand the patterns, you can make choices about whether or not to follow them.  The choices you make can keep you sane.   </div> <div> All the behavior patterns discussed in this book are interactive.  This means that when things get crazy you may not be able to control the situation, but you can control how you respond to it.  How you react can keep things from getting crazier.  Your internal responses, how you think and feel, and your actions, what you say and do, will determine how much damage the general insanity does to you.  If you understand what is going on, you can keep the craziness from bothering you, you can keep things from getting worse, and sometimes you can even make them better.  </div> <div> This book will discuss 101 difficult and crazy-making situations that you are likely to encounter at work, with clear, concise explanations about what is going on, and what you can think, do and say to survive with your reason intact. </div> <div> You may not be able to stop the insanity at your office, but with a little help you may be able to keep it from driving you crazy also. You have considerably more power and control than you think.</div> <br> <br> <div> SECTION ONE: LIES AND BULLSHIT</div> <div> At work, people who say what they mean and mean what they say are almost as rare as spotted owls.  Here are some ideas about how to deal with coworkers who play fast and loose with the truth.</div> <br> <div> SURVIVAL SCENARIO NUMBER 1: BULLSHIT OR JUST PLAIN LYING?</div> <div> <i>Chris has done it again.  He's the golden boy in sales who will tell customers anything to get them to sign on the dotted line to meet his sales quota.  He knows the turnaround time for orders is close to two weeks, but he's been telling everybody you can get their shipment out in two days.  Already this morning, you've had four angry calls from customers wondering why you're dragging your feet, and there's an email from the sales manager asking about “problems with shipping”.</i></div> <div> <i>You've talked to Chris, and he swears he told all his customers how long it would take to get their orders out.  Like that really happened.</i></div> <div> <i>You've talked to your boss about it, but there's nothing he can do.</i></div> <div> <i>The thing that drives you crazy is wondering how Chris can keep getting away with - and getting praise for-- such blatant bullshit.</i></div> <br> <div> Bullshit or just plain lying, the reason Chris gets away with what he does is simple; he makes money.  In many companies, selling is the most important function.  If Chris's numbers are good, management is less likely to question how, and at whose expense they got to be that way.  It's unfair, shortsighted, and just plain wrong, but there's not much you can do about it.  Except learn from it.  For that reason, Chris's bullshit is as good a place as any to begin our discussion of how to stay sane in a world of corporate craziness.</div> <div> First, there is absolutely no percentage in confronting Chris about the error of his ways in hopes that guilt will cause him to stop lying and become a good citizen.  Chris probably doesn't believe he is doing anything wrong, since he's being praised by his boss for his good sales figures, and if he does think he's wrong, he's never going to admit that to you.  Also, by confronting Chris you will have set up a situation in which he has to acknowledge wrongdoing in order to give you what you want, namely a little more honesty with customers.  This is a profoundly difficult negotiating position, as most people would rather kill you than admit they're wrong, not to mention the mayhem they'd do to keep from losing a commission or bonus.</div> <div> Second, even though perhaps there should be, there is no one in your company whose job it is to make Chris tell the truth.  If you go to your boss, his boss, or (God forbid) to the CEO, you will get in more trouble for tattling than he will for lying.  </div> <div> SURVIVAL SOLUTION NUMBER 1: WADING THROUGH SOMEBODY ELSE'S BULLSHIT</div> <div> So, how do you deal with Chris's (or anybody else's) dishonesty yourself?</div> <div> Know your goal</div> <div>  We have already established that you will not be able to make Chris stop slinging bullshit.  A more realistic objective would be to minimize the damage his duplicity will do to you.  Everything you do should be directed to that end.</div> <div> Backfill, even if you didn't dig the hole</div> <div> For the calls coming in today, all you can do is politely apologize for the misunderstanding and let your customer know when the order will actually arrive.  You might be tempted to slightly underestimate the arrival date to make the customer feel better.  Don't.  If you must play fast and loose with the truth as we all do, it is much better to overestimate and have the customer be pleasantly surprised.  </div> <div> Look for the pattern</div> <div>  Your best tool for minimizing future damage is the knowledge that most difficult behaviors follow predictable patterns.  Chris will lie again.  He may blindside you the first time, but the second time you should be ready for him.  </div> <div> Get out of the middle</div> <div> Your most effective strategy would be to devise some way of getting yourself out of the uncomfortable place in between a liar and the person he lied to.   You might do this by sending a courteous informational email about proposed shipping date to every customer as soon as the order arrives in your system.  The email should say that any questions can be referred to their salesman, whose address and phone number you have been kind enough to supply.  The more automatic this process appears, the better it will work.  Also, you would do well to send the email via an account to which the customer cannot reply.</div> <br> <div> SURVIVAL SCENARIO NUMBER 2: DOG-ATE-MY-HOMEWORK LIARS</div> <div> <i>Joey, the schlemiel from marketing who got assigned to your project team, is supposed to be working on the PowerPoint for the presentation next week.  He says it's almost done, but you have your doubts.  He's choked in the clutch before.</i></div> <div> <i>All he needs to do is tell you in advance if he won't finish it in time, so you can do it yourself.  You've done most of the work yourself anyway.</i></div> <div> <i>You keep asking how it's going, and he keeps saying, “No problemo!”</i></div> <br> <div> There is a problemo.  Joey is the basic dog-ate-my-homework type of liar who will say anything to avoid a confrontation.  His transparent deceptions, hardly worthy of being called lies, are made up on the spot, and seldom thought out in advance.  Joey never does anything in advance. Like a ten year-old, he doesn't stop to think that dissembling now will lead to a much bigger confrontation later on.  </div> <div> When later on comes, he will apologize for messing up and promise that it will never happen again.  But it will, and you know it. </div> <div> SURVIVAL SOLUTION NUMBER 2: FORGET THE DOG; GET THE HOMEWORK</div> <div> Here are some ideas about how to keep low-skill liars like Joey from driving you crazy:</div> <div> Recognize that the problem is immaturity, rather than deception</div> <div> At some level, Joey is a ten year-old.  He lives in the moment, doing whatever comes easiest, and ignoring anything that is difficult.  Like the parent of a ten year-old, you may be tempted to tell him that he will always get into more trouble for lying than he would for not doing the PowerPoint.  You did not believe this when you were ten, and neither will he.  Immature people have only a hazy conception of cause and effect, and almost no ability to predict the future. </div> <div> Just as with a real ten year-old, grounding him, or any other form of punishment will not work; it will only teach him that he is bad or that you are mean. This he already knows.</div> <div> <b> </b>Never ask why </div> <div> For more mature people, the punishment of choice is guilt induction.  If you made an error in judgment, and someone questioned you about why you did what you did, the chagrin over admitting your own failing and the effect it had on others might influence you to be more careful in the future.  Chagrin is not a word in Joey's vocabulary.   If you question him about why he didn't get his work done, he will come up with a flimsy rationalization.   He may say that it wasn't really his fault because no one gave him the information he needed.  This may pull you into an argument about who sent him what and when, but that won't get you the PowerPoint any more quickly, nor will it change Joey's view of events.  He will not learn anything from your lectures or his own mistakes, except that he is a screw-up, to which he readily admits, because it is easier than doing something about the problem. </div> <div> An important thing to remember about Joey, and all the other difficult people at your office, is that they are difficult because they don't think in the same way you do.  What works on you may not work on them.</div> <div> Get him to show rather than tell </div> <div> Don't give Joey a chance to lie about whether the PowerPoint (or anything else) will be done.  Demand that he show it to you, and let him make up a story about why it isn't done.  This approach will minimize the damage by giving you more usable information, and enough time to do the job yourself if necessary. </div> <div> If you want someone like Joey to do his homework, you will have to sit him down at the kitchen table and watch him, just as you would with a recalcitrant ten year-old.  At the office, you'd have to stop by frequently to see that he's doing his work rather than surfing the net.  It will probably be easier to do his work yourself, which is what he's counting on.  If it is your misfortune to have to supervise someone like Joey, nothing will work like frequent spot checks.</div> <div> If you don't have control, get it by becoming a Jewish Mother</div> <div> If a liar like Joey is your peer or even above you in the food chain, you will have to exert some informal power.  Learn how to do this from an expert, my mother.  Here are some of her secrets:</div> <div> Induce guilt with food</div> <div> Schedule progress review meetings to which you always bring something to nosh.  A schlemiel like Joey, or even a momzer like the guy from IT, would have a hard time eating your food and bringing nothing to show you.</div> <div> Tell everybody</div> <div> Send emails on how the project is going and who is doing what as if they were reports on how your grandchildren are doing in school.  The liar's section will be the shortest, with his pitiful excuses prominently featured - something like, “Poor Joey is working so hard, but the dog keeps eating his homework.” Other people might call this damning with faint praise.  My mother would say, “I'm just telling people what happened.”  Go with that.</div> <div> Noodjie</div> <div> Just as Eskimos have a hundred words for snow, Yiddish has almost as many terms for nagging.  Noodjieing is gentle but persistent.  Keep bringing up what needs to be done, making it absolutely clear that the only way to get you to stop is to do it.</div> <br> <div> SECTION FIVE: USEFUL WORKPLACE SKILLS</div> <div> In this section you will learn a few tricks that will help you to get ahead or, in some cases, just get by.</div> <div> SURVIVAL SCENARIO NUMBER 81: DOING A GOOD JOB AND SUCCEEDING ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE SAME THING</div> <div> <i>Chuck in the cube next to yours has been with the company more than twenty years.  He does his job really well.  He's great at calming down angry customers, and when new people come on board, he's always the guy they pick to train them.  He volunteers for all kinds of committees, like safety and morale and is always coming up with positive suggestions.  Chuck does a good job, but he's been in the same place for almost twenty years.  He always seems to be second in line for promotions.  It's beginning to get to him.</i></div> <div> One of the most damaging illusions that people hold about whatever occupation they happen to be in is that if they do a good job, they will be successful.<font size="4" color="#000000" face="Arial"> </font>In general, doing a good job means competently managing what is below you in the organizational hierarchy.  Success comes from managing the people above you.  The skills involved are usually very different, so it's not a good idea to mistake one for the other<font size="4" color="#000000" face="Arial">.</font> </div> <div> SURVIVAL SOLUTION NUMBER 81: HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOING A GOOD JOB AND SUCCEEDING</div> <div> There are a few things Chuck hasn't learned about the realities of business.  If your definition of success involves moving up the ladder, you need to make a few distinctions that Chuck missed.</div> <div> The following activities are all part of doing a good job, but will probably not have anything to do with whether or not you will advance in the corporate hierarchy:</div> <div> Working directly with customers</div> <div>  In most companies customer service is an important corporate goal, but it is not accomplished by important corporate people.  Selling is a possible exception.  If you want to get ahead and you have to deal with customers, it is much better to be close to the people who buy your product than the people who use it.</div> <div> Serving on committees and task forces with people at your own level</div> <div> These committees solve problems, organize work, and get things done.  They don't yield much in the way of glory to their participants.</div> <div> Training</div> <div> Training is an absolute necessity, but in the corporate world they believe the old adage: If you can, do.  If you can't, teach.</div> <div> Coming up with ideas that improve quality or morale, but cost money</div> <div> If you're the owner or CEO you can do this and be praised for it.  If you're anybody else, it will be taken as evidence that you don't understand what business is all about.</div> <br> <div> The following activities may have little to do with doing a good job, but they will lead to corporate advancement:</div> <div> Bringing in new business</div> <div> It doesn't have to be much business or even good business.  In the corporate world, it is always the rainmakers that are on top of the heap.  Compared to bringing in new business, winning the Nobel Prize is small potatoes.</div> <div> Cost cutting</div> <div> Cost cutting is a divinely ordained task of management.  Do it often and conspicuously to show you are leadership material.  At meetings, always be the one who asks if it can be done cheaper.  If you want to get ahead, never talk about cost-cutting and executive salaries in the same breath.</div> <div> Doing anything with people of higher rank</div> <div> This is especially true if you are the person in front of the room with the PowerPoint and killer graphics.  If not, be the one who asks if it can be done cheaper.</div> <div> Taking the management side on controversial issues</div> <div> Doing a good job often involves cooperation and compromise.  Getting ahead involves looking after your own interests.  It may be sad, but it's true.  Promotions are not awarded by popular vote.</div> <div> Generating text </div> <div> Most anything other than simple emails that goes out with your name on it will enhance your reputation.  Reports, policies and procedures, goal statements, mission statements, quality improvement plans and pieces about corporate values are all good choices.  Avoid documents explaining government regulations, because they will cause people to mistake you for the government.</div> <div> Socializing</div> <div> Promotions go to the people who are out shaking hands, not the ones sitting in their offices merely doing a good job.</div> <br> <div> In the corporate world, doing a good job and succeeding involve different tasks and different skills.  Both are necessary, but you should never believe you are doing one when you're actually doing the other.</div> <br> <br> <div> SURVIVAL SCENARIO NUMBER 82: A GOOD ATTITUDE IS LIKE PORNOGRAPHY; IT CAN'T BE DEFINED, BUT PEOPLE KNOW IT WHEN THEY SEE IT</div> <div> <i>In your division, any promotion or raise must meet with Dave the VP's blessing.  What he looks for is motivation and a good attitude.  He can't tell you what they are exactly, but rest assured, he knows who has them and who doesn't.</i></div> <div> Make no mistake about this: If you want to get by in business, being perceived as having a good attitude is more important than competence.  </div> <div> Throughout your career, people will be making important judgments about what is going on inside your head without having any way of actually knowing; they will be making inferences based on what you say and what you do.  It will be these inferences, as much as any objective accomplishments that determine the trajectory of your career.  </div> <div> Sure you can do the work, but if you want to get ahead you have to be perceived as having a good attitude.  How do you do that?  Let's ask your boss:</div> <div> “Well,” she says, “A good attitude means having a strong work ethic, being willing to go the extra mile, thinking proactively, playing well with others, and having a positive influence on the group.”</div> <div> Does that tell you what you want to know?  If it does, go on to the next scenario.  If not, read on.  </div> <div> A good attitude is like pornography, it is very difficult to define, but people know it when they see it, or at least think they do.  They can spot a bad attitude even more quickly.  </div> <div> Based on many years of experience working with businesses, I believe there are unwritten rules about how to conduct yourself successfully in any job.  You can break any of these rules without getting fired.  But they are still absolutely critical. </div> <div> These rules  pertain to the basic behaviors that distinguish an insider from an outsider, one of us from one of them.  Following these rules will not assure you of success, but not following them will ensure failure.  </div> <div> SURVIVAL SOLUTION NUMBER 82: HOW TO FAKE A GOOD ATTITUDE IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE ALREADY  </div> <div> An attitude is something that's inside.  What shows is your behavior, what you do.  These are the kinds of things that you need to do so that the people who make decisions about you will think that you have a good attitude, regardless of what you actually feel:</div> <div> Come in</div> <div> Yes, I know you get eight hours of sick leave per month, but that does not mean you have to use it.  Nothing marks you as a real outsider any better than regular use of all your sick leave.  Anybody can be sick once in a while, but regularly missing a day or two here and there is the mark of someone who really doesn't know what working is all about.  If there is anything that enrages employers more than regular absences, it is regular absences on Mondays and Fridays.</div> <div> Identify with the company</div> <div> Act, speak and behave as if what's good for the company is good for you.  If you act as if your boss is your adversary, you're asking for trouble as well as displaying the fact that your own problems with authority are more important to you than doing a good job.</div> <div> Have a professional appearance</div> <div> Yes, I know that the clothes you choose, the color of your hair, and whether you have tats and piercings have nothing to do with how well you do your job.  Bear in mind, however, that every company has its own standards for dress, and it's best to conform to them.  Don't wear anything that will call more attention to your appearance than to your abilities.  The last thing you want to be thought of as is the guy with the ring in his nose or the gal in the flip-flops.  </div> <div> Be pleasant</div> <div> Make a real effort to get along with the people with whom you work.  If you're upset with someone, try as best you can to deal directly with him or her.  Do not take your problems to everyone you meet in the hallway, and for God's sake don't take them to your boss, and please: eliminate snorting, eye-rolling as a means of expressing displeasure.  </div> <div> Accept direction and criticism</div> <div> It would be nice if your boss were more positive, but in work, as in poker, you need to play the hand that you're dealt.  There is no point in whining.</div> <div> Do your job as if it were worth doing </div> <div> Know enough about your job to know everything that's involved, if you cut the grass, don't make them have to tell you that that involves raking and edging too.  Do the whole thing and do it as well as you can.  That means the parts that are regularly checked and the parts that aren't.</div> <div> Know your boss's priorities and follow them</div> <div> Never mind if they are wrong or look wrong to you.  The way to succeed at your job is to see it from your boss's point of view rather than from your own.  When you run things, you will get to call the shots.</div> <div> Be circumspect with the ideas you put forward</div> <div> Make suggestions about how things could be done better, but realize that in the world of business everything has a price tag.  Even if something is a good idea, what usually determines whether it will be accepted or not is what it costs.</div> <div> Don't make them have to tell you everything</div> <div> Watch what successful people are doing and imitate them.  That's the way to really get ahead because most of the important things about work are never told to you directly.</div> <div> Have a sense of humor</div> <div> Be able to laugh, especially about yourself.  No one likes to work with people who take themselves too seriously.  Be able to take mild joking about your politics, your religion, your illnesses, your allergies, your pets and your children. </div> <div> Come in on time</div> <div> Regularly.  Always.  I know I said it before, but it's important enough to repeat.  </div> <br> <div> SURVIVAL SCENARIO NUMBER 83:<font size="3" color="#000000" face="Arial"> </font>DO YOU HAVE TO SUCK UP TO GET AHEAD?</div> <div> The short answer to this question is yes.  Unless you want to be miserable throughout your entire career, you need to make a good impression on the people above you.  They need to like you, and feel that you like them.</div> <div> The longer answer involves posing another question: What is sucking up, and why does it fill some people with existential dread?</div> <div> <i>Let's consider Bill and Eric, two guys who work in the same department.</i></div> <div> <i>First let's look at Bill. There he is in the break room, kidding around with a couple of managers.  Even he would say he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he makes up for it in motivation.  He's always positive, and he's always volunteering for something. He's even been known to bring his boss coffee. That's right, Bill is a suck up.</i></div> <div> <i>Now, let's look at Eric, who's at his desk working, exactly where he should be. He's bright and competent, but behind his back, some people call him “Mr. Attitude”.  Not his friends, they see him as a warm, caring person who's always there when times get rough. He's quick with a joke, and the jumper cables on that old Jeep of his have started more cars in the company lot than Triple A.</i></div> <div> <i>Managers see a totally different side.  Eric's boss thinks he has a chip on his shoulder. Some days it seems to her that all she hears from him are grunts and monosyllables.  She wonders why Eric hates her, and how much longer she can take having him in her department.  Other managers steer clear of him too, even when they have a project that could benefit from his talents.  </i></div> <div> Eric does not suck up.  He sees himself as a man of principle.  I see him as an overgrown teenager.  </div> <div> SURVIVAL SOLUTION NUMBER 83: NO, YOU HAVE TO SUCK UP TO GET ANYTHING</div> <div> As a general rule, people don't put themselves out much for people who they think hate them.  Even if you do hate your boss, there is absolutely no percentage in letting her know it.  If you have compunctions about sucking up, and you do if that term is a regular part of your vocabulary, here are a few suggestions:  </div> <div> Ask yourself why you call it “sucking up”</div> <div> If you substitute “treating managers like human beings”, the absurdity of the situation becomes clearer.   As people, managers are no different than your coworkers.  What is different is the way you feel about them. </div> <div> Ask yourself where you got the idea that people in authority are the enemy</div> <div> There is no way to put this gently: You might be an overgrown teenager.</div> <div> At about age thirteen, a biological time bomb goes off inside our heads as we begin the difficult transition from dependence on our parents to dependence on ourselves.   We start thinking things like “You can't tell me what to do”, and that people in authority don't know what they're talking about and cannot be trusted.  We learn to trust our friends and eventually to trust ourselves.  As we eventually mature, parents, teachers and bosses seem less evil incarnate and more like regular people.  </div> <div> The problem is that some people can get stuck in their teenage mind-set well into their eighties.  Some of this is cultural.  country-regionplaceAmerica was founded by a rebellion and most of our heroes are people who did their own thing no matter what the authorities thought.</div> <div> If you have some question as to whether you are a hero or a teenager, check it out with a few close friends.  Another clue is that heroes accept the consequences of their choices with equanimity; teenagers think the world is unfair.</div> <div> Grow up</div> <div> There is definitely value both in cooperating and complying, and doing things your own way.  It takes a very mature person to decide when to cooperate and when to stand up for principles. Each situation has to be evaluated on its own merits rather than living your entire life by one rule that applies to all situations.  Anybody who has a hard and fast rule about sucking up or who calls any attempt at being friendly to the people above him brown-nosing is showing a little immaturity.  Often, treating your boss like a friend can work out to your benefit. Maybe you ought to try it. </div> <br> <br> <br> <br> <div> <b>          </b></div> <br> </td> </tr></table></body>