Explosions into Depression
DEALING WITH
EXPLOSIONS INTO DEPRESSION
You cannot make depressed people feel better, but you can help them.
Listening to depressed people talk about how bad they feel makes them feel worse. They want to wait until they feel better to do the things that will make them feel better. Your goal is to keep the conversation focused on doing, rather than feeling.
The I’m worthless and everything is hopeless explosion
Don’t be nice. Passive listening and reassurance make depressive explosions worse, and more frequent. The only time to ignore this advice is in the case of real loss, like death or divorce, in a person who is not typically depressed.
Set limits on the conversation before it begins.
Ignore tears; give the person a tissue and press on.
Talk about one thing at a time. Interrupt ritual listing of everything bad.
Ask for solutions, don’t offer them.
Never accept “I don’t know” as an answer.
Identify other sources of support. Never allow yourself to become “the only person I can talk to”.
The I just don’t feel up to it explosion
Encourage the depressed to do whatever it is anyway. Feelings follow actions, not the other way around.
Reward small steps in the right direction.
The I don’t mean to be a burden explosion
Depressed people can be a burden whether they mean to or not.
Forgive yourself for having uncharitable thoughts.
Erase the word manipulation from your thinking.
Make them ask for what they want from you.
Be very clear about what you’re willing to give.
The What’s the point? explosion
Never try to explain the meaning of life to a depressed person.
Normality is actually a state of unreasonable optimism.
Don’t try to treat depression with religion.
The There is no point explosion
Never ignore suicide threats or keep them secret, even if you think they aren’t serious. Overreacting is therapeutic.
Take action, not responsibility.
Separate the person from the means.
Demand contact with a professional.
